panicking...who's panicking?? ...I am.

So, CityLights (the summer internship I've been a part of) is over. I've moved into a temporary living situation, I'm applying to student teach here in St. Louis, I'm leaving for Iowa in a week and a half and need to find housing for when I return a week later...

AAAHHHH!!!!

...whew. okay, deep breath. I was telling a woman who was here from Dallas, TX chaperoning a high school youth group team a little about my journey & story in St. Louis. She was so excited for me, being young & she said I'd be alright because I seemed to be someone who really trusts the Lord. Truth is...I do trust Him, but this is still hard. It's like a daily, hourly, no maybe minutely choice to put my trust in Him...that He's going to take care of me & all the thousands of details that need to be worked out in the next couple of weeks...like travel, housing, finances... I suppose it all comes down to whether or not I will believe that He is good. I mean, my head believes it - at least on some level - but my head believes a lot of things that my heart struggles to believe.

Panic attacks are good for you.

Less than two months til the move. I'm only getting a little terrified. Unless I start thinking about it, and then the full-fledged panic attack sets in.

But... on the other hand, I can't wait to go. Lots to get done before I do, and most will be scarier than really scary stuff, but going out there, where there's a chance of getting gunned down in the street or running out of money and being forced to live off uncooked ramen, is better than staying here. My time at Cafe Shi was mostly great, but it's time to move on. My time at home has been mostly great, but it's time to move on.

It's time... to become a valley girl.

You know, except for the hair tossing and giggling.

On Leadership...

So, this past week I was sick...all week...Monday-Thursday. Basically, I slept most of the day, was up for a couple of hours at night, got up in the morning & did the same thing the next day. I hated it. I felt like I was letting everyone down...even though I couldn't do anything about it. Ugh!

...and in the midst of all that God was re-defining all the things I had thought about leadership. When I was on staff this past year, God was teaching that I am capable, that I am a leader. And now, He's put all of it in a blender to separate all the stuff that I had built so that He could rebuild it. *sigh* After breaking me down, though, He's started to re-build it. In John 21, Jesus re-instates Peter after he denies even knowing Jesus 3 times..and the kicker is that Jesus knew Peter was going to do it, and decides to use him & reinstate him anyway. And I think that's what God has been doing in me. On Saturday morning, He reminded of what I care about (People) and why & how I want to care for them.

I still don't have it all figured out, but I know that after hitting bottom last week, God's starting to build the foundation back up so that I'm starting to rise...but I'm rising re-built.

Welcome to our blog!

We are Morgan and Alicia Martin, cousins starting at similar crossroads, and off on similar yet geographically-unique adventures! Morgan, 22, is living as a nomad, off to St. Louis for six weeks, then who knows? Alicia, also 22, though five months and 29 days younger, is off to seek fortune and adventure in the graveyard of dreamers, Los Angeles.

After a childhood and adolescence of closeness, we have drifted apart, rarely seeing each other more than once a year. And so, distant though we will be physically, we’ve decided to use this marvelous “series of tubes” to stay in contact. We will commiserate in our trials, celebrate our triumphs, and have something to point to every time a family member says we never tell them what we’re doing.